Sitting with Emotions for Neurodivergent People: A 10-Step Guide By Dr Danielle Baillieu

Noticing Emotions Without Judgement

Sitting with emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones, is more than just a therapeutic phrase—it’s a transformative practice. For neurodivergent people, such as those with ADHD or autism, emotions can often feel more intense, overwhelming, or harder to identify. In a world that prizes stoicism and quick fixes, giving ourselves permission to pause and feel is a radical act of self-compassion.

Avoidance might seem easier in the moment, but suppressed feelings don’t disappear. They often resurface as anxiety, irritability, or even physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or muscle tension. By sitting with emotions instead of numbing or distracting ourselves, we create space for understanding, regulation, and growth.

For neurodivergent minds, this isn’t about forcing stillness or following rigid rules. It’s about finding approaches that feel safe, accessible, and realistic. Below are ten practical steps to help make sitting with emotions possible and meaningful.

10 Steps to Sit with Emotions

1. Notice without judgement

Begin by simply acknowledging what you feel, even if it’s vague. Say to yourself, “Something’s here” rather than labelling it as good or bad.

2. Name the emotion

Use a feelings wheel, flashcards, or even colours to put words to the sensation. Many neurodivergent people experience alexithymia (difficulty naming feelings), so external tools can help.

3. Locate it in the body

Ask, “Where do I feel this?” Maybe it’s tightness in your chest, heaviness in your stomach, or restlessness in your hands. Noticing the physical sensations helps anchor awareness.

4. Allow short check-ins

Sitting with emotions doesn’t have to last an hour. Even a 3–5 minute pause is valuable. Using a timer can make it feel safer and more contained.

5. Use sensory supports

Weighted blankets, fidget tools, soft textures, or calming sounds can make the process more tolerable. Sitting with emotions doesn’t always mean sitting still—movement or stimming can be part of the practice.

6. Breathe with curiosity

Instead of trying to “fix” the feeling, focus on slow breaths. Curiosity might sound like: “What might this emotion be telling me?”

7. Journal or externalise

Write down thoughts, sketch, or voice-note what comes up. Externalising emotions can reduce intensity and make patterns easier to spot.

8. Reframe avoidance

Remind yourself that avoidance isn’t failure—it may once have been a survival strategy. Now, you’re learning new ways to respond.

9. Listen to the message

Emotions are messengers, not enemies. Anger might signal a crossed boundary; sadness might reveal unprocessed grief. Ask: “What do I need right now?”

10. Close with compassion

When the check-in ends, thank yourself for showing up. This act of presence builds resilience over time.

Why It Matters

For neurodivergent people, sitting with emotions can be both courageous and liberating. It’s not about forcing control, but about building a kinder relationship with yourself. Over time, this practice fosters clarity, self-understanding, and stronger boundaries.

It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with each attempt, you strengthen your ability to hold space for emotions without being consumed by them. That’s where genuine resilience—and self-acceptance—begins.