Why Existential Therapy Will Change the Way You Handle Feeling "Stuck" in Life

Have you ever looked at your life and felt like you were reading a script written for someone else? You might have the "correct" job, a stable relationship, and a routine that looks successful on paper, yet internally, you feel profoundly stuck. It is as if you are standing at a podium, facing a crowd, but you have forgotten your lines, or worse, you have realised you never wanted to give this speech in the first place.

This sensation of being "stuck" is not a character flaw or a sign of failure. It is often what philosophers and therapists call an existential crisis. While traditional anxiety therapy often focuses on quieting the "noise" of your thoughts, existential therapy takes a different approach: it invites you to listen to what that noise is trying to tell you about your life.

The Philosophy of "Being": Kierkegaard and Heidegger Simplified

To understand why existential therapy is so effective for those feeling stuck, we must look at its foundations. Søren Kierkegaard, often cited as the father of existentialism, suggested that anxiety is actually "the dizziness of freedom" (Kierkegaard, 1844). When you feel anxious about your future or "stuck" in your present, it is often because your brain has recognised the vast array of choices available to you.

Furthermore, Martin Heidegger explored the concept of "Thrownness", the idea that we are thrown into a world with pre-existing rules, expectations, and social structures. We often spend our lives trying to fit into these "thrown" roles, only to eventually feel a deep sense of inauthenticity. Existential therapy helps you navigate this by moving from an "inauthentic" way of living (doing what you think you should do) to an "authentic" one (doing what aligns with your intrinsic values).

The "Unwanted Guest" at the Party

In our previous discussions on anxiety being a messy messenger, we introduced the metaphor of the "unwanted guest at the party." Imagine you are throwing a celebration for your life, and an uninvited guest, let us call him "Existential Dread", shows up.

You can spend the whole evening trying to push him out the door, which only results in you missing your own party. Or, you can acknowledge him. You can say, "I see you are here. I do not necessarily like that you are here, but I will allow you to sit in the corner while I enjoy my guests." In existential therapy, we do not aim to "cure" the guest; we aim to change your relationship with him so he no longer dictates the flow of your life.

Existential Therapy vs. Traditional CBT

While we frequently utilise Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to address specific symptoms like executive dysfunction or negative thought loops, existential therapy provides the broader context. Below is a comparison of how these modalities approach the feeling of being "stuck":

Academic research supports this integrative approach. Studies have shown that while CBT is excellent for structured symptom management, existential-humanistic approaches lead to higher levels of long-term psychological well-being and "life attitude" (Terao & Satoh, 2022).

Relationship Counselling and the Search for Meaning

Interestingly, the feeling of being "stuck" often manifests in our closest bonds. In relationship counselling, we frequently see couples who are not fighting about the dishes, but about the existential fear that they are losing themselves within the partnership.

When you feel you aren't living the life you're meant to lead, you may unfairly blame your partner for your stagnation. Existential therapy allows you to "Name-Normalize-Redirect":

1. Name: "I feel stuck and unfulfilled in my personal growth."

2. Normalize: "It is natural to fear that I am losing my sense of self as I age."

3. Redirect: "Instead of blaming my partner, how can we both create space for individual authenticity within this relationship?"

For more on this, you might find our guide on relationship secrets helpful.

Practical Tools: Moving from Stagnation to Action

We do not just talk about philosophy; we use specific, clinical tools to help you move forward. We integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help you "unhook" from the thoughts that keep you stuck.

1. Cognitive Reframing of "The Void"

Instead of seeing the "stuck" feeling as a void to be filled with distractions (like a dopamine-rich pathway hunt on social media), we reframe it as a blank canvas. This is a cognitive reframing technique where "I don't know what to do" becomes "I am currently in a space of pure potential."

2. Nervous System Detox

When you are existentially stuck, your nervous system is often in a state of low-grade "freeze." We use techniques from Brainspotting and FLASH therapy to help clear the physiological trauma that might be pinning you to the past.

3. The Task Tapestry

Stop looking at your life as a single, overwhelming "to-do" list. Instead, view it as a "task tapestry." Some threads are for survival (work), some for connection (family), and some for the soul (meaning). If you are feeling stuck, it is usually because the "soul" threads are missing.

Micro-Steps for Behavioural Change

If you are ready to stop feeling like a spectator in your own life, try these granular micro-steps today:

• Audit your "Shoulds": Write down three things you did today. Beside each, note if you did it because you valued it or because you felt you should.

• The 5-Minute Meaning Window: Spend five minutes doing something that makes you feel "real," regardless of whether it is productive. This could be writing, staring at the clouds, or listening to a specific piece of music.

• Identify your "Variable Ratio Schedule": Are you staying in a "stuck" situation (like a job or relationship) because of occasional, unpredictable rewards? Recognising this biological trap is the first step to escaping it.

A Compassionate Final Note

Feeling "stuck" is a painful, isolating experience. It can make you feel as though you are failing at the most basic task of all: being yourself. However, please remember that this discomfort is actually your internal compass trying to recalibrate. It is your soul’s way of saying that the life you are currently leading is too small for the person you are becoming.

You do not have to navigate this "nervous system detox" alone. Whether you are dealing with neurodivergent burnout or a general sense of existential drift, there is a path through the mist. The goal is not to reach a perfect, problem-free destination, but to become a person who can walk through the world with their eyes wide open, making choices that truly belong to them.

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References:

• Kierkegaard, S. (1844). The Concept of Anxiety.

• May, R., & Yalom, I. (2012). Existential Psychotherapy.

• Terao, T., & Satoh, S. (2022). Comparative Effectiveness of Existential and Cognitive Approaches.

• Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. Basic Books.

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Warmly,

Dr Danielle Baillieu DCPsych, CPsychol, HCPC & BPS Registered. Enhanced DBS. dr.danielle@lifechanges4good.com Website: https://www.life-changes.me